- Secure-When the caregiver responds in a consistently attentive and loving way to the child. In response, the child develops a positive sense of self-woth ("I am lovable") and a positive view of others ("People are loving and can be trusted") (47).
- Fearful-When the caregiver in the first bond is unavailable or communicates in negative, rejectng, or even abusive ways to the child. Children who are treated this way often infer that they are unworthy of love and that others are not loving (47-48).
- Dismissive-Caregivers who are disinterested in, rejecting of, or unavailable to children. Yet people who develop this style do not accept the caregiver's view of them as unlovable. Instead, they typically dismiss others as unworthy. Consequently, children develop a positive view of themselves and a low regard for others and relationships (48).
- Anxious/Ambivalent-Inconsistent treatment from the caregiver. Sometimes the caregiver is loveing and attentive; at other times, the caregiver is indifferent or rejecting. The caregiver is also unpredictable. Naturally, this unpredictability can cause anxiety for the child who depends on the caregiver (48).
Here is a link to the Trailer of "Precious" based off the novel "Push" written by Sapphire. In the trailer, many of the attachment styles can be distinguished and identifiable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5FYahzVU44
Concept 2. Cognitive Schemata: Prototype, Personal Construct, Stereotype, Scripts
- Prototype-The most representative example of a category (70).
- Personal Construct-A bipolar, mental yardstick we use to measure people and situations (71).
Personal construct actually limits the way people perceive others. There is just a two way street and there is nothing in between. Either there is an individual that is attractive or not attractive, smart or not smart. There is no middle ground. Although we can make more detailed assessments about others using personal constructs, it still limits our perceptions because there will always be something about an individual that is not covered by personal constructs.
- Stereotypes-A predictive generalization about individuals and situations based on the category in which we place them (71).
Stereotypes grow from within. They are internally made from previous experiences. For example, if I was at a grocery store and an elderly person who works at the cash register was very rude to me, I could make the stereotype that all elderly people who work at cash registers are rude. That would be a hasty generalization. That elderly person could have had a bad day and just took their frustrations out on the wrong person. Not all elderly people are rude.
- Scripts-A guide to action in particular situations (73).
Scripts are behaviors that are expected of us. There is a certain script that I use to talk with my professor that I don't use with my parents or peers. I don't use the same script when talking to my parents vs. my peers. In regards to my peers my script is more informal and with my parents, my script is more formal showing respect.
Concept 3. Listening Process: Being Mindful, Physically Receiving Messages, Selecting and Organizing Information, Interpreting Communication, Responding, Remembering
- Mindfulness-being fully present in the moment (147).
In the listening process, one of the most important things to be cautious of is being mindful. The book points out that while listening you must actually be paying attention. The mind should not wander else where. When someone is speaking to me, I should not be day dreaming about what I'm going to eat for lunch. Same goes for when in the classroom and the Professor is lecturing, I should not be wondering what I plan on doing during my break period. In doing so, there is more to learn because the speaker would be more willing to elaborate or go into depth of the subject.
- Physically Receiving Messages-hearing or physically receiving messages (148).
Hearing is another important aspect in the listening process. It's the physiological process in which we hear not only the person speaking to us but also the surrounding sounds. The book calls receiving messages as a "prerequisite." Hearing is all about the sounds or other methods depending on someone's abilities. Without this process there is no way of receiving a message. Men and women differ also when it comes to hearing. Women are more in tunned to details and the surrounding sounds, while men only focus on the end result.
- Selecting and Organizing Material-We selectively attend to only some messages and elements of our environments. What we attend to depends on many factors, including our interests, cognitive structure and expectations (149).
A known saying that involves the listening process is called selective listening. The word itself is quite explanatory. Selective listening involves selecting what you want to hear and retain and organize the information afterward.
- Interpreting Communication-The most important principle for effective interpretation is the be person centered. To be centered on the particular individual to whom you are listening, you engage in a dual perspective so that you interpret others on their terms (149).
By no means, while listening to others are we obligated to agree or share the same point of view. The whole process of interpreting what the speaker is saying is to come to an understanding. When interpreting, there isn't a need for critical thinking. The whole point is to understand where the speaker is coming from. When the speaker is talking there shouldn't be any forcing opinions after the fact.
If someone came up to me and told me that they were going to quit their job in order to focus more on school, I wouldn't immediately tell them they are being illogical to even think that. Instead I would say, "Why do you think you have to do that?" This question encourages a dialogue and the speaker will probably go into depth on their decision to quit their job. The whole point is not to make them agree with what YOU think is right in the situation but to understand why they chose to do whatever they plan on doing.
- Responding-Communicating attention and interest (150).
- Remembering-The process of retaining what you have heard (150).
The book states to be a great listener remembering the most important content of the conversation is better than trying to remember every single detail. You can let the speaker know that you are listening by summarizing what they said after they said it. You can also ask them a question regarding what they previously said so they can fully elaborate showing that you were not only listening but also interested in the topic and want to know more.
Here is a link from youtube.com of Beyonce singing "Listen" which was showcased in Dreamgirls. There are also lyrics attached to the video. The song goes through the whole process of listening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vpjUCSMw_4
Wood, J. (2007). Interpersonal communication: everyday encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.
Wood, J. (2007). Interpersonal communication: everyday encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.
Good post, Morgan!
ReplyDeleteCan you give an example of someone with a particular attachment style from your own life or anothers?
An attachment style that would pertain to my personal life is the secure attachment style. I grew up in a consistent loving and affectionate household. I had two wonderful parents who cared for me and my sister so much. My parents made sure my sister and I were very secure with ourselves and lives.
ReplyDeleteMy sister is now engaged and will be married shortly because she views relationships in a positive light and finds herself worthy enough. I'm building relationships with people everyday. I have a positive outlook of people and I know my self worth.
It's safe to say that my sister and I are put into the secure attachment style. The style is quite accurate to myself and I'm sure many others as well.
I think that having that secure attachment style definitely affects who you are later in life- in many cases, I'm sure it can be the difference between living a great life and living a mediocre or unsatisfactory life.
ReplyDeleteGlad you grew up with that style! :)
Which attachment style do you think represents you the most?
ReplyDeleteI would say that I grew up with a mostly secure attachment style. At points, there may have been some anxious style thrown in, but whose family is perfect? I have a decent view of the world, but I can be skeptical at times of those around me.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever feel about preoccupied feeling about your life?:)
ReplyDeleteIs there any scripts in our university?*_*
ReplyDelete