- Kitchen sinking is considered to be the middle stages in an unproductive conflict communication. The definition given in the book is as follows, "everything except the kitchen sink is thrown into the argument" (p.237).
- When in conflict, people in relationships whether intimate or just friendships have a tendency to read off a "laundry list" of complaints for the sake of argument when the issue at hand has nothing to do with any of the previous complaints. Kitchen sinking occurs when there is more than a couple of concerns that have been held back for some time. When a conflict does arise, all those concerns are brought up in the conflict. Kitchen sinking is also a way to divert the discussion in order to derail the arguments in one's favor.
- My Situation:
- There was a time when I was in a friendship and my friend and I got in an argument. The argument was about how his friend was late to pick us up for the movies. I got upset with him because I told him to tell his friend what time the movies started and now we would be late and miss the movie. He tried to calm me down. I interrupted him telling him about all the times he is always late to functions and how he is unreliable. Then I start naming all the times he annoyed me when we were out in public.
- The argument went absolutely nowhere and we never went to the movies. I listed all the unnecessary things that he used to do that I never liked. Instead of trying to call his friend and see where he was, my friend and I got in a heated discussion about everything that had NOTHING to do with the situation at hand.
Concept 2. Diverse Communication Styles
- Diverse communication styles is a concept that can put pressure on relationships. If relationships are wideley diverse, there can be many misunderstandings. Many of these misunderstandings can be can be misinterpreted from being of different cultures. Misunderstandings can also be derived from different social groups in the United States. However, the mere differences between cultues and social groups is not necessairly the problem. The problem stems from how we "interpret and judge others' communication which can be the root of tension and hurt" (265).
- Diverse communication styles are very common in diverse areas such as in schools, in the job environments, and other social places. When friendships are formed specifically different cultures form, there are many misunderstandings. It is an insult to not accept a gift from those of Asian cultures. However, some Americans might not feel the same or even have knowledge of this and will deny the gift. Tension might arise when the Asian friend and American friend stop communicating and would never know why.
- My Situation:
- I used the example above because I encountered something like this previously before. I had a friend from China that offered me food and little gifts. I used to say no often because I didn't want her to feel as if I was always taking her food and things. However, I did not know it was an insult to refuse her gifts. She stopped offering me things and stopped talking to me. I couldn't understand why. I took it very personal. One day, I asked her finally why she didn't like me anymore and she told me that it is natural in her culture to offer things and it is an insult to refuse them. Ever since then our friendship has grown and I now accept everything she offers in respect for her.
Concept 3. Adapt Communication to Maintain Long-Distance Relationships
- Adapting Communication to maintain long-distance relationships is one of the guidelines for communicating in romantic relationships. There are some problems that are accompanied by being in a long distance relationship. One is the lack of daily sharing of small events, and time together. However, if there is a routine for daily communication in some form that is set in place in relationships and it is strictly followed, it helps the relationship maintain it's substance even without face-to-face conversations (293).
- Everyone at one time has had a long distance relationship. It is difficult without a doubt to maintain and keep a strong relationship with an individual especially if the couple are in different states. Despite all the difficulties, there are ways to keep a healthy relationship with distance in between. With the technology that is provided now and days there are many ways to keep in contact whether phone, various outlets on the internet and hand written letters.
- My situation:
- I was in a long distance relationship that failed miserably because the lack of our communication with one another. I lived in California and my significant other had just moved to Ohio. Completely on the other side of the spectrum. We both had to respect the time difference between him. I couldn't call him at ten o'clock at night or even after that because he was well asleep and he couldn't call me too early in the morning because I was also asleep. We started off well, calling each other at least once a day for brief moments at a time. Then we made our conversations longer only calling three times a week. Gradually it became once a week to once a month. I got irritated immediately. We ended it after a year and a half. We are still good friends. We understood that we both had busy schedules and a long distance relationship would not have been the best thing for us.